1st Grade Funnies

My instructional assistant was testing one of my students on about 225 sight words. The student looked at the list and promptly told her that, "You know I can't read all these words because if I read all those words then my mouth is going to hurt."


My class was counting M&Ms for the 100th day of school this past week and one of my students was trying to tell me that she didn't like M&Ms but instead she said, " I don't like enemas."


student 1 to Me: oooo! I like your scarf!
student 2 to Me: Well, Mrs., I like your whole...your whole....(thinking)...body!
Me: (laughing) You mean my outfit!
student 2: Yes! That's what I meant!


student to Me: I think you were a good listener when you were little!


student telling another student: BUT you CAN do it! Don't tell me you can't! Read this part to me! (student reads) I KNEW you could do it!


Me: Why did you hit him?
student: Because I felt like it.


This one is totally TMI but I have to share:
Me: Why are you running down the hall? You should be outside and waiting in line.
student: I have diarrhea. (while holding bottom)


So I am handing out these little "magic e" stars that I glued on Popsicle sticks...here is the conversation that followed:
student 1: Did you make these for us?
Me: I sure did. I made them at home this weekend.
student 2: Wow! You sure do like us don't you?
Me: (sarcastically) I guess I do. Just a little bit!
student 1: Thank you!
student 2: We are like one big family...Mrs. is the mom and we are all her kids....Can you imagine if she really had THIS many kids?


A kid ran over to tattle on another kid. She told me that a boy had said the sh** word. I noticed he seemed very distraught...so I decided to talk to him. This is the conversation that occured:
Me: Could you tell me what happened?
student: (crying) Well, I did say sh**, but my sister told me it wasn't a bad word!
Me: (trying not to laugh) Well, kiddo it is a bad word and you should not say it at school. You need to ask your mom the next time your sister tells you that!


A fellow teacher turned around to one of her student's loudly saying "MOM!" Just to see that some maxi pads had fallen out of his backpack!


student: Mrs. C, could I have a hug?


Mrs. C: I would like you to sit down and practice reading your green book.
student raises hand at desk with very serious expression...
Mrs. C: Yes. (slightly impatiently)
student: I'm allergic to books.


student: I'm going to draw a power ranger.
Mrs. C: Cool.
student: You know what power rangers are?!
Mrs. C: Yes, I do.
student: I didn't know that teachers knew what power rangers were!!!


student: When can I give you your Christmas present?
Mrs. C: You can give it to me on the 20th before we have Christmas break.
student: OK! I'm going to give you something my mom doesn't want anymore!


student: Do you have any kids?
other student: No, remember, she only has a husband and a cat!
student: How can you be married and not have any kids?!


Mrs. C: Now, remember what Mr. J said about wrestling?
student: That I shouldn't talk about it or even pretend to do it. But, Mrs. C, can I talk about transformers?


student (very upset and throwing things): I hate you! I don't like you!
Mrs. C: That's ok you don't have to like me but you have to stop throwing things.
student: You're so mean...you're like a CAT!